March 1, 2015
Distorted Thinking
One of the scariest things about depression for me was having so many scary, disturbing, or confusing thoughts, and not being able to escape them. These thoughts were so different from what my normal thoughts consisted of, that they seemed to be transmitted from another person or dark place. The thing that I didn't realize is that it was by depression and anxiety that was causing these thoughts. But because I didn't know that at the time, I was unable to distinguish my own, rational thoughts from the distorted thoughts caused by my sickness. Once I started going to meet with a counselor, I was able to start to recognize what distorted thinking was. Once that happened then I was slowly able to learn which thoughts to listen to, and which thoughts to try and ignore. Here is a list of 15 different kinds of distorted thinking. I'm posting this in hopes that you too may be able to recognize the difference between your own thoughts and the thoughts caused by depression and anxiety. Once you know the difference, you can take the next step in controlling these thoughts.
Taken from imgur.com
January 4, 2015
"Anxiety Girl! Able to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound!"
Sometimes you just have to laugh about it:)
I have said it before, and I will say it again... sometimes just being able to put a name to the way we are feeling can be a huge step towards recovery. Two and a half years ago, (and a little bit here and there before then) I would feel all of these strange and foreign emotions that had me quite terrified. I didn't understand why my mind would constantly be thinking of the worst case scenario, or why I would obsess over perfection to the point where it made me sick. I didn't understand why I couldn't sleep at night or why my panicked thoughts were preventing me from eating. I was confused about what was going on with me and this confusion just added to the whole mess. But when these specific symptoms were diagnosed as anxiety I was able to conceptualize what was going on with me and I was able to seek help. My hope is that if you are filling similar to the way that I was feeling, that this article will also help you conceptualize those feelings and realize that you aren't going crazy, you just need to realize that these feelings can be treated and that you WILL be okay. It's easier said then done, but it is definitely possible. So here is an article that gives a clearer understanding of the feelings and symptoms associated with anxiety.
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There is this really amazing book that I have previously mentioned in this blog. It is called, "Reaching for Hope-An LDS Perspective on Recovering from Depression" It is written by Meghan Decker and Betsy Chatlin. Both women have personally suffered with depression and Betsy has also become a licensed therapist. I read this book when I was going through my depression and it helped me immensely. I decided I wanted to re-read it to get some more materials and information to use for this blog.
Today while reading, I came across this definition of depression that I thought was a really good description: "Clinical depression is rooted in chemical imbalances in the brain, which are certainly influenced by outside factors and biological changes as well as emotional turmoil"(Page 5).
I liked this definition because it helps the reader make sense of why their depression is occurring. So many times I would try to pin point the one thing that might be causing me to feel such anguish. But the thing is that often times it takes a 'perfect storm' to cause depression. For me it wasn't just a chemical imbalance. It was a chemical imbalance, plus a new stage in life, plus a major shift in what I had previously planned for my life, plus the pure exhaustion of trying to be perfect all of the time.
To reiterate my point, the book continues to say, "Sometimes periods of depression are brought on by external events; another type of depression is the result of a change in the chemistry of the brain, for no apparent reason. This can resolve itself after several months or years. Medication can help speed up the process, getting things back into sync" (Page 5).
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- Sorry that this is kind of blurry... in case you can't read it, it says:
"Depression is not selfish. Anxiety is not rude. Schizophrenia is not wrong. Mental illness isn't self-centered any more than a broken leg or the flue is self-centered. If your mental illness makes you feel guilty, review the definition of "illness" and try to treat yourself with the same respect and concern you would show to a cancer patient or a person with pneumonia."
I really like this quote. And I feel that it fits under the category of "Clinical," because it really pegs one of the key symptoms of depression... guilt. I can't even tell you how often I felt guilty. I felt that I had done something horrible to deserve such anguish. And not only that, but every little tiny thing that went wrong in the day with anyone else just happened to be "my fault." For example, my dad got in a little fender bender. My distorted thoughts: "If I didn't have depression, he wouldn't be so tired from staying up all night with me and would be able to focus more on the road." One day my mom's sixth grade class was particularly rowdy. She came home feeling really frustrated. My thoughts: "If it weren't for me, she would have a lot more patience and would have had a better day at school." It seemed that guilt was my constant companion. But why? What had I done to deserve this?! Answer: Nothing! I love when this quote says, " review the definition of 'illness.' Depression is just that...AN ILLNESS and absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I know that is easier said than done. But having been there, and felt that heavy burden of guilt, I plead to you, to realize as soon as you can that none of these feelings are your fault and so try to ease your pain even just the slightest by realizing you are not at fault.
~~~
- When I was in the midst of my struggles with depression and anxiety, there were several very new and very scary things that were going on with my body. Things that I felt I had no control over. One of these things was hair loss. It wasn't Trichotillomania (the disease that involves the urges to pull out your hair). Because I was not the one pulling out my hair... it would just fall out. I would take a shower and as I would wash my hair and run my fingers through it to distribute the shampoo, I would look at my hand and see large clumps of hair in my palms and between my fingers. Every time I brushed my hair I noticed an abnormally large amount of hair that had fallen out into my brush. Great. Just the thing I need... to be depressed AND going bald. But actually, as I later learned... the two went hand in hand. (Okay so not the going bald part... just losing so much hair). Hair loss is a common symptom of depression. When I was researching it on line I came across an article by Dr. Anthony Komaroff on sharecare.com. He said the following;
"Stress of any kind can play a role in hair loss. Illness, including depression can take its toll on the way we look and feel. Our hair normally goes through a "resting phase." It happens about every three years and lasts about three months before our hair starts to grow again. During this resting phase, more hairs than usual fall out, and our hair looks thinner. This process is called "telogen effluvium." It can be brought on quicker by stress, starting earlier and lasting longer in the natural cycle of hair growth and rest."
The article also mentioned that often, certain anti-depressants can cause hair loss as well, so if this is happening to you it is a good idea to check with your Doctor just to make sure.
The things going on inside one's body during depression can be very scary because they seem to be happening for no reason. I have found that when I find the medical reasoning behind the behaviors in my body, that knowledge helps me become less scared because I know that if I take my medicine and do the best to take care of my body, then these symptoms will lessen. I felt that even in the middle of a serious bout of depression, if I make sure to try my very hardest to get enough sleep, go on a walk, or even eat an extra fruit or vegetable that day, I feel better. My mind still may feel very sick, but at least my body will feel better... and that can make a huge difference.
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- "Depression is a flaw in chemistry not character." This is something that is so important to remember... although when you are in the middle of depression it is very difficult to do so. It's so easy for your brain to convince you that something is seriously wrong with you as a person. This could not be further from the truth! There is something wrong with the chemistry in your brain, not with you! That is why it is so important to meet with a Doctor regularly to make sure that you are getting the proper treatment, usually medication, and in the proper doses.
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- During the beginning of my struggles I specifically remember thinking I had literally gone crazy. My thoughts were so horrible and so foreign to the thoughts that my brain was used to having. There were times when my mind would take over my body and I would start doing things that I felt I had no control of (spinning in circles, pacing back and forth, grinding my teeth, clutching my fists, scratching my scalp etc.) I also remember many nights when my mind wouldn't allow me to sleep so I would sit in the living room chair and just stare into the darkness for hours... sitting completely still.
"Something is seriously wrong with ME." "You have done something to deserve this." "You are the only person in the whole world that has ever felt this way."
These were thoughts that constantly occupied my mind. But after I was diagnosed with clinical depression (Major Depressive Disorder) and I studied what that actually meant... I realized that nothing was wrong with me as a person... my brain just had a "glitch" in it that medicine could help fix. I realized that I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this, just as someone with breast cancer didn't do anything to deserve the cancer. I also learned that many many many people had gone through similar experiences. Learning the biological reasoning behind depression helped me to not feel as "ashamed" and was a key to my healing process. I think that this article from WebMD does a good job in explaining what is going on in the brain of a person who has depression.
How Is Biology Related to Depression?
Researchers have noted differences in the brains of people who are depressed as compared to people who are not. For instance, the hippocampus, a small part of the brain that is vital to the storage of memories, appears to be smaller in some people with a history of depression than in those who've never been depressed. A smaller hippocampus has fewer serotonin receptors. Serotonin is one of many brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters that allow communication across circuits that connect different brain regions.
Continue reading below...
Scientists do not know why the hippocampus may be smaller in some people with depression. Some researchers have found that the stress hormone cortisol is produced in excess in depressed people. These investigators believe that cortisol has a toxic or "shrinking" effect on the development of hippocampus. Some experts theorize that depressed people are simply born with a smaller hippocampus and are therefore inclined to suffer from depression. There are many other brain regions, and pathways between specific regions, thought to be involved with depression, and likely, no single brain structure or pathway fully accounts for clinical depression.
One thing is certain -- depression is a complex illness with many contributing factors. The latest scans and studies of brain chemistry suggest that antidepressants can help sustain nerve cells and allow them to form stronger connections that withstand biological stresses (called "neurotrophic effects"). As scientists gain a better understanding of the causes of depression, health professionals will be able to make better "tailored" diagnoses and, in turn, prescribe more effective treatment plans.
How Is Genetics Linked to the Risk of Depression?
We know that depression can sometimes run in families. This suggests that there's at least a partial genetic link to depression. Children, siblings, and parents of people with severe depression are somewhat more likely to suffer from depression than are members of the general population. Multiple genes interacting with one another in special ways probably contribute to the various types of depression that run in families. Yet despite the evidence of a family link to depression, it is unlikely that there is a single "depression" gene, but rather many genes that each contribute small effects toward depression when they interact with the environment.
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/causes-depression
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- A friend of mine posted this cartoon on her Facebook wall. I had to share it because it was too perfect!!!! I don't want to seem inappropriate in quoting an apostle going along with this cartoon, but I think it is very fitting. From the mouth of one of my favorite people, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "There should be no more shame in acknowledging mental illness than acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure." Those words are so true!
If physical diseases were treated like a mental illness:
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- This is one of the best descriptions of depression that I have ever seen. The analogy is sooo perfect. And so creative too!
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- Like I've mentioned in other places in this blog, one of the beginning points to my healing process was being able to put a medical name on the things that were happening to me. I didn't want to go to the doctor's because of the negative connotations that are associated with being "mentally ill." Not only that, but I was in denial. Even though it was very clear that I was sick, I kept on telling myself that I could just shake it off. Nope! My dad set up an appointment with my doctor and I reluctantly went. But I'm sooooo glad I did. My doctor had me take a screening for depression where I answered several questions about my behavior in the past two weeks. Although it was very difficult to admit that almost all of these behaviors were ones I had been exhibiting, it was a relief to know that these were medical things, and that I wasn't making them up. This isn't the exact screening that I took, but it was similar:
Not
at all
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Only
slightly
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Partly
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Quite
a
lot
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A
lot
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To
a great extent
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I do everything slowly.
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My future seems hopeless.
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I find it hard to concentrate when I
read.
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All joy and pleasure seem to have
disappeared from my life.
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I find it hard to make decisions.
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I have lost interest in things that
used to mean a lot to me.
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I feel sad, depressed and unhappy.
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I feel restless and cannot relax.
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I feel tired.
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I find it hard to do even trivial
things.
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Questions:
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Not
at all
|
Only
slightly
|
Partly
|
Quite
a
lot
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A
lot
|
To
a great extent
|
I feel guilty and deserve to be
punished.
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I feel like a failure.
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I feel empty - more dead than alive.
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My sleep is disturbed: too little,
too much or disturbed sleep.
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I wonder HOW I could commit suicide.
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I feel confined and imprisoned.
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I feel down even when something good
happens to me.
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I have lost or gained weight without
being on a diet
|
You can take this test at the following website:
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/goldberg.php
~~~
When I would have anxiety attacks, I remember thinking, "What on earth is happening to me?!" That was probably the scariest thing.... my whole body was being taken over by anxiety, I felt like I had no control... and I had know idea why. I'm not saying that knowing the anatomy of anxiety will take away the anxiety itself, but it can be very helpful if we actually understand what our body is going through during these scary times. I am aware that this diagram is really fuzzy and impossible to read so I will re-write what the words say. Hopefully the diagram offers a good visual.
 |
~The Anatomy of Anxiety~
What Triggers It...
-When the senses pick up a threat-a loud noise, a scary sight, a creepy feeling-the information takes two different routes through the brain.
A) The Shortcut:-When startled, the brain automatically engages an emergency hot line to it's fear center, the amygdala. Once activated, the amygdala sends the equivalent of an all-points bulletin that alerts other brain structures. The result is the classic fear response: sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, increased blood pressure and a burst of adrenaline. All this happens before the mind is conscious of having smelled or touched anything. Before you know why you're afraid, you are.
B) The High Road:- Only after the fear response is activated does the conscious mind kick into gear. Some sensory information, rather than traveling directly to the amygdala, takes a more circular route, stopping first at the thalamus-the processing hub for sensory cues-and then the cortex- the outer layer of brain cells. The cortex analyzes the raw data streaming in through the senses and decides whether they require a fear response. If they do, the cortex signals the amygdala, and the body stays on alert.
...And How the Body Responds
-By putting the brain on alert, the amygdala triggers a series of changes in brain chemicals and hormones that puts the entire body in anxiety mode.
- Stress-Hormone Boost:-Responding to signals from the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, the adrenal glands pump out high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Too much cortisol short-circuits the cells in the hippocampus, making it difficult to organize the memory of a trauma or stressful experience. Memories loose their context and become fragmented.
- Racing Heartbeat:-The body's sympathetic nervous system, responsible for the heart rate and breathing, shifts into overdrive. The heart beats faster, blood pressure rises and the lungs hyperventilate. Sweat increases and even the nerve endings on the skin tingle into action, creating goose bumps.
- Fight, Flight, or Fright:-The senses become hyper-alert, drinking in every detail of the surroundings and looking for potential new threats. Adrenaline shoots to the muscles preparing the body to flight or flee.
- Digestion Shutdown:- The brain stops thinking about things that bring pleasure, shifting it's focus instead to identifying potential dangers. To ensure that no energy is wasted on digestion, the body will sometimes respond by emptying the digestive tract through involuntary vomiting, urination, or defecation.
(The following numbers correspond with the diagram, telling you where different parts and functions of the brain are located):
1) Auditory and Visual Stimuli: -Sights and sounds are processed first by the thalamus, which filters the incoming cues and sends them either directly to the amygdala or to the appropriate parts of the cortex.
2) Olfactory and Tactile Stimuli:-Smells and touch sensations bypass the thalamus altogether taking a shortcut directly to the amygdala. Smells, therefore, often evoke stronger memories or feelings than do sights or sounds.
3) Thalamus:- The hub for sights and sounds, the thalamus breaks down incoming visual cues by size, shape and color, and auditory cues by volume and dissonance, and then signals the appropriate part of the cortex.
4) Cortex:- It gives raw sights and sounds meaning, enabling the brain to become conscious of what it is seeing or hearing. One region, the prefrontal cortex, may be vital to turning off the anxiety response once a threat has passed.
5) Amygdala:-The emotional core of the brain, the amygdala has the primary role of triggering the fear response. Information that passes through the amygdala is tagged with emotional significance.
6)Bed Nucleus of the Stria Terminalis:-Unlike the amygdala, which sets off an immediate burst of fear, the BNST perpetuates the fear response, causing the longer term...typical of anxiety
7)Locus Coeruleus:-It receives signals form the amygdala and is responsible for initiating many of the classic anxiety responses; rapid heartbeat, increased blood pressure, sweating, and pupil dilation.
8) Hippocampus:-This is the memory center, vital to storing the raw information coming in from the senses, along with the emotional baggage attached to the data during their trip through the amygdala.
Sources directly from:
Time Magazine
Joe Lertola (Diagram)
Alice Park (Text)
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